I can't tell you how many times I get comments like these:
"You're lucky, because you are in good shape"
"You don't understand, because you don't know what it's like to be fat."
or my favorite: "It must be so easy for you."
You. Have. No. Clue! I am here to tell you that I was BORN fat! It's in my genes, runs in the family, and I have to fight it off every single day. No, I am not lucky, I work hard. NO, it is NOT easy for me, and I have to think about it every single day. And, yes, I totally understand!
I have a picture of me, weighing in at about 170 pounds (please remember that I am a petite 5'2") It is too embarrassing to post front and center here, but if you continue reading, you will have the delight in seeing it........... or your horror, whichever. The point I will be trying to make here is, it is not easy for any of us. I totally get it. I know how hard it is, I have been there.
There I am in all - and I mean ALL - of my glory. I am super embarrassed to put this up, because I am looking about as attractive as a baby hippo right after birth. WOW! And to think Aaron stuck with me through all my evolutions. Hey, at least I made cute kids!
I have had many ups and downs throughout the years, but this was my highest, and I won't subject to you to any more grotesque pictures of me. I was big, tired, and verging on high cholesterol and diabetes (yes, two more traits that my wonderful family heritage has bestowed upon me). I got scared. I had visions of me turning 40 and having a heart attack. Holy Cow! Thank goodness that vision didn't come true, since I am now full swing into my 40's!!
I decided to make a change. I wanted to live to be a ripe old age, but not only live a long time, but enjoy my life as I was living it - I wanted a good quality of life. That was the turning point for me. You have to find your own turning point. You can't make a change because your family wants you to, or your doctor tells you to. It has to come from within. You can gain support from those around you, but the drive has to come from yourself.
It was not an easy change. I started hobbling around the block. Hobbling turned into walking. Walking into speed walking, and eventually I started running. I started reading about nutrition - A LOT. This was before internet, so I spent many hours at the library. Hey, the kids were little, so they loved it too. I made little changes: skim milk from 2%, whole-wheat from white, water instead of juice. I made baby steps, which was better than full fledged death therapy (and if you get that movie reference, 100 points to you!!)
Let me tell you something else. I have been at this now for 20 years and I am still evolving. I went from 170 to 125 to 135 to 128 to 140 to 135 to where I am today at 115. I am sitting at my high school weight, but with a heck of a lot more muscle than I had in HS, so my body mass is completely different. I DO NOT plan on jumping back up, but I also know that life throws curve balls at you and sometimes you don't have a lot of control over things.
I know what it's like when life beats you down. When everything, and everyone, takes everything you have and leaves nothing for you. You run out of time. You run out of energy. You sometimes even run out of desire. There were many times I felt like Kathy Bates in "Fried Green Tomatoes" when she said.... "I wish I could just get brave and get it over with and get really fat". There are times even today when the bed wins out over the gym, and those stupid peanut M&M's win out over the broccoli.
The important thing is to keep moving forward. If you take a step back, then take two steps forward. Don't let one step back put you on a slippery slope to a downfall. Allow yourself breaks. Allow yourself a special treat now an again. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Just don't let the mistakes own you. Move on. Each day is a new day, so start fresh.
Yes, I know what it's like. I have been there. I am there. Every day is a new challenge and most days I win that challenge - but not all days. I understand. I get it.
Just remember through it all, that you have people around you that love and support you. They can be your rock on days you don't have the strength. Let them support you and help you. And, I am ALWAYS here if you need someone, because I am one of you.
